A Nicely Written Match Report

I'm currently reading Eddie Hapgood's autobiography (he captained Arsenal and England during the 1930s). It's a pretty good read. As you can imagine a lot has changed in the game since then.

Hapgood

This excerpt from a match report that Hapgood was involved in is included in the book. (Hapgood's Arsenal are playing Hapgood's previous club Kettering Town). See if you can work out what the reporter is moaning about before the end of the article...

"The next time I go to see a match on the Rockingham Road ground at Kettering, I shall insist on being accompanied by Sherlock Holmes, the 'Big Four' from Scotland Yard, and a leading member of the British Magical Society. Though I have no intention of causing any undue alarm in the camp of the faithful followers of the Poppies, I feel it incumbent upon me to warn them, at the close of a thrilling season, that the green patch which covers the playing area conceals a treacherous quicksand, wherein players disappear and are never seen again.

Kettering were entertaining the Arsenal in a friendly fixture, and, with the exception of a goal or two that happened along in the first half, all went well (though I believe the diminutive Mitchell had some difficulty with his shorts - they seemedto fit too tightly around his ankles). It was after the referee blew the whistle for the refreshment interval that the tragedy happened. Two strapping Arsenal players - David Jack and 'Happy' Hapgood - vanished into thin air. Presumably, the quicksands had swallowed them up, not even a tuft of hair could be traced, and the crowd stood aghast when the Arsenal re-started. No David Jack; no Happy-go-Lucky Hapgood.

In their places appeared two substitutes, mysteriously recruited from some sort of Arsenal 'pool' held in reserve (like a battalion in billets) somewhere behind the grandstand. People wondered; they whispered in queer undertones. What happend to Jack? Where was Hapgood?

If there had been anotehr adjournemount before the end of the match, I should not have been surprised to see the Arsenal team re-enter the arena with a brandnew forward line, three halves borrowed from the Scottish League, two backs from West Bromwich, and a goalkeeper on loan from Newcastle United.

I was beginning to wonder wheter the police had authorised the issue of the usual £500 Reward notices, when a powerful voice nearby informed the world that Jack andhis friend had merely dropped out to give two other Arsenal men a chance to kick the ball!"

Austrian Bundesliga

With Euro 2008 being jointly hosted by Austria I thought it was time to look at the domestic leagues of the two countries, starting with Austria.

The top division (Bundesliga) is a relatively small division containing only ten teams. Clubs play each other twice at home and twice away.

SV Ried are another club in Austria who have accepted the "corporate dollar", the full title of their side is SV Josko Fenster Ried, the logo of the firm is even featured on their badge, something that makes me quite uneasy. Saying that the picture in their gallery from the Innsbruck game made me feel quite uneasy too. SCR Rheindorf Altach are another club who have incorperated their sponsors logo (CASHPOINT) onto their badge, it's one thing allowing a company to sponsor your ground or kit but on the badge? Step too far perhaps?

SV Rien vs Innsbruck.

Wacker Innsbruck are one of many sides (almost half) that play in green in the Bundesliga. They see themselves as the continuation of the Tirol Innsbruck club who won the Austrian title three times earlier this decade. However, Tirol went bust in 2002. Wacker Innsbruck had Liverpool defender Besian Idrizaj on loan this year, a player who has also had spells at Crystal Palace and Luton Town.

Carsten Jancker, remember him? The man who scored "the Germans" only goal against England in their humiliating 5-1 defeat? The man who used to terrify defences all over Europe with his aerial ability? Well, he's now at SV Mattersburg who finished 5th in the Austrian Bundesliga this season. The Champions League winner (really!) has scored a decent 14 goals for the club this term and seems to have got his career back on track after a poor spell in China. Despite Mattersburg being a town of only 6300 people they had one of the highest average attendances in the Bundesliga.

Carsten Jancker

Franchise football is unsurprisingly present in Austrian football. SK Austria Kamten were only a couple of years ago known as ASKO Pasching (a club who once beat Werder Bremen in Europe) - they were the club who were called FC Superfund for a while as sponsorship in Austria ran amock amongst their football clubs. They finished second bottom of the Bundesliga this season, saving themselves from relegation as only one club is demoted each season.

One of the more famous names in Austrian football are Sturm Graz. They made the quarter finals of the UEFA Cup in the early 80s, beaten by Nottingham Forest by a dubious penalty (or at least that's what the wikipedia page says - I suspect it was written by a still angry Sturm fan!). Their European exploits didn't end there however. In the 99/00 season they won their group in the Champions League above European giants Galatasaray, Rangers and Monaco. Times have been a bit harder on the Graz club recently. Financial problems have blighted the club and they've been unable to repeat their European successes.

FC Red Bull Salzburg are probably the most controversial side in the division. On April 6, 2005 Red Bull purchased the club and rebranded it under their Red Bull name. Not only did they change the name of the club they also changed the club colours from violet (there is no violet on the kit at all now) and stated "this is a new club with no history". It's a pretty brutal way to run a football club. Fans of the club obviously weren't happy so set up their own club as SV Austria Salzburg (Red Bull Salzburg's old name) and joined the seventh tier of the Austrian pyramid and began playing at the start of the 2006/2007 season. They won the championship in their first and second seasons as a football club and are now only four promotions away from playing the Red Bull horrors (who incidentally were Austrian champions in the same season). Their official website is very violet and has a basic English version. Definitely worth a look, though the club shop is only in German at the moment.

SV Austria Salzburg fans decked out in violet

LASK Linz are a breath of fresh air in a smog of commercialism in Austrian football. They have never allowed a sponsor to sully their club name in their entire history. LASK Linz were the first club outside of Vienna to win the Austrian title (1965 - they won the cup in the same year) but have never got near to repeating this feat.

The two Vienna clubs dominate the footballing landscape in Austria. 'Rapid' and 'Austria' have won the Austrian title on a remarkable 55 occasions. Austria Vienna play in lovely violet and white and have won the Austrian championship 23 times and the cup 26 times. Their best modern European performance (Austria Vienna won the Mitropa Cup twice in the 30s) saw them lose 4-0 to Anderlecht in the Cup Winners Cup Final in 1978.

Rapid Vienna (who sport a green and white strip) have never won a European trophy, but have made two Cup Winners Cup finals. Once against Everton in 1985 and once against Paris St Germain in 1996, a youthful Carsten Jancker (now at SV Mattersburg as described earlier) played in Rapid's 1-0 loss. Despite these European "failures" the club has an impressive list of honours that include a German championship and cup victory! They are the current Austrian champions having won the title by six points from Red Bull Salzburg.

Overall I find the league quite depressing. Massive commercialism (some of the players look like Formula One drivers with sponsor logos stuck on every part of the body) and many clubs moving from city to city.

Division Four Relegation: Mansfield Town

Long gone are the days where a club would finish bottom of the league and be automatically "re-elected" or would stay up due to the club winning the Conference not meeting certain "regulations" with regards to their stadium. If you finish in the bottom two than you will be relegated.

There is still a huge stigma associated with exiting the Football League. This is despite clubs such as Doncaster Rovers, Carlisle United and Hereford United being relegated to the Conference and rebounding with style. Also, it is worth noting that the Conference currently looks a lot like a Division Four from the 1970s. Aldershot Town, Cambridge United, Torquay, Exeter City, York City and Halifax Town. It also contains clubs such as Kidderminster Harriers and Rushden & Diamonds, both of whom have been in the football league very recently.

Mansfield Town entered the Football League in 1931. So next year will be their first out of the league in 77 years. The club were formed in the 19th Century as Mansfield Wesleyans; taking their name from a local church.

It was in 1910 that the club began using their current name, Mansfield Town. The change angered another local club Mansfield Mechanics - who quickly disappeared into obscurity. Nine years later the club adopted its current colours, wearing a yellow and blue halved kit.

Much of the blame for Mansfield Town's current plight is, not unreasonably, laid at the door of owner Keith Haslam. How a club such as Mansfield who have decent enough attendances, have had some very good moneyspinning cup ties in recent years: Live on BBC1 vs Middlesbrough in the cup earlier this season and an away tie at Newcastle a couple of years ago. This should have left the club with enough money to finish above the paupers of the division such as Accrington Stanley and Dagenham & Redbridge.

Mansfield Town ended their long stay in the Football League on Saturday with a two-nil loss at Dagenham & Redbridge. It will be a long journey back, one hopefully that their fans will try and enjoy, a chance to win a few games and win some silverwear. You get the impression that they will first have to get rid of a certain Mr Haslam before the club can progress..

Cardiff City FA Cup Final Songs

The FA Cup Final song is one of my favourite FA Cup traditions, Chas and Dave's effort in 81 being a personal favourite of mine. Unfortunately it is something that has fallen by the wayside in recent years but thankfully followers of Cardiff City have thrown themselves into it.

BLUEBIRDS FLYING HIGH (5/10)
The official song, Bluebirds Flying High, is sung by ex-Fame Academy, Eurovision entrant James Fox. It's very middle of the road, innoffesive stuff. Describing the quality of Tony Capaldi's long throw and Enckelman's ability at saving "spot kicks". The most cringeworthy moment in the song comes near the beginning where Fox sings "at the helm is Peter Ridsdale". Singing about a football chairman is always wrong, but I suspect it was the best way for James Fox to convince the club (i.e. Peter Ridsdale) to endorse the song as the official song - it was Fox who approached Cardiff City with the song. The most interesting part of the video is City fullback Kevin McNaughton dressed in a Dangermouse suit, something I am yet to get to the bottom of.

DO THE AYATOLLAH (2/10)
A week or so later a few Cardiff City fans created a musical monstrosity in "Do the Ayatollah" - is a song based on the dance floor hit "Do the Macarena". (The ayatollah is wonderfully described on wikipedia as "Performing the Ayatollah is done by having both hands flat pointing towards each other raised above your head and repeatedly moving them up and down in a patting motion".) It is as bad as it sounds and it only gets worse when you watch the video. Being a huge fan of rather poor jokes I do like the 1927 (just before half past seven) gag at the start but it goes downhill after the Call to Prayer. Awful. Although, in fairness it is only meant to be a bit of fun and not taken too seriously. However, they have massacred a perfectly bad song!

CARDIFF CITY SUPERSTARS (9/10)
Sitting head and shoulders above "Bluebirds Flying High" and "Do the Ayatollah" is the excellent "Cardiff City Superstar" by Helen Love and a few members of the Super Furry Animals. A previous version of this song (written to the music of 70s kids TV show Banana Splits) was written a decade or so ago. I like this, the lyrics are far more fan-centric than the other two songs and include the excellent lines: "Alan Green and the BBC, we're the team you didn't want to see" and "Ninian Park will always be my home, not the IKEA stadium across the road".

It also has the marvellous line "Directors leave and players go.", something that James Fox would do well to remember after featuring Publicity Pete in his song.

North Korea 1966: World Cup Qualification

Most football fans with any interest in the World Cup knows all about North Korea's amazing run during the 1966 World Cup. They were the first Asian side to make it to the quarter finals of he competition and beat Italy by a goal to nil on the way there. However, what is less well known is their qualification campaign.

For the 1966 competition FIFA decided that only one nation would go forward from Africa, Asia & Oceania. The 16 African nations were understandibly upset by this so withdrew from the tournament en masse, as did the South Koreans.

This left North Korea and Australia as the only two entrants and with Australia not recognizing North Korea as a country a neutral venue of Phnom Penh in Cambodia was decided upon.

The Australian team was largely made up of Brits, with only one of the side actually born in Australia. The Australian sides only competition in these years came against touring sides from Europe or infrequent matches against amateur sides in Australia. This World Cup qualifier in Cambodia was their first international match in 6 years.

And it showed. The North Koreans ran out 6-1 winners in front of 60,000 spectators. Pak Seung Jin scored two, Han Bong Jin also scored twice with the other goals coming from On Seung Hwi and Pak Do Ik (the man who would in the finals score the winner against the Italians).

The second leg, played three days later in the same city, was a formality with the Koreans winning by three goals to one. The Australians, comprehensively beaten, had to wait until 1974 before they finally made the last stages of the World Cup Finals.

The North Koreans travelled to England as rank outsiders and shocked the world with a creditable draw against Chile and a remarkable win against Italy. Unfortuantely the dream ended in the quarter finals as despite going three goals up in twenty five minutes the Eusebio inspired Portugese fought back to win an enthralling match 5-3.

North Korea (like England!) have failed to emulate their 1966 successes but they are finally on the road to recovery with some very good performances at youth and full international level.

NORTH KOREA QUALIFICATION CAMPAIGNS
1970 - Withdrew, refused to play Israel.
1974 - Failed to win preliminary group, finishing behind Iran and Syria.
1978 - Withdrew.
1982 - Despite winning preliminary group and knocking out Japan, North Korea knocked out by China 4-2 (aet)
1986 - Failed to win preliminary group, finishing behind Japan.
1990 - Reached final round but finished bottom of the final group (last six countries)
1994 - Reached final round but again disappointingly finished bottom of final group (last six countries)
1998 - Did Not Enter
2002 - Did Not Enter
2006 - Won preliminary group but lost out in second stage to Iran and Japan.
2010 - Currently second in the second group stage after beating Jordan away and gaining a creditable draw against South Korea.

Slough Town FC

Slough Town ended their season today with relegation. A 1-0 loss at Fleet Town secured their fate and they join the (also relegated) Newport Isle of Wight in the 9th tier of English football (or at least I think it is, working out the pyramid that far down is quite difficult).


In the 97/98 season Slough Town finished in 8th in the Conference table, ahead of Yeovil Town (now of League One), they held this year's cup finalists Cardiff City to a 1-1 draw at Wexham Park and only narrowly lost at Ninian Park in the replay.

Those days are long gone for the Rebels. A series of financial calamities and the closure of their Wexham Park ground (that now lies in ruins) has led them to play in Windsor and now Beaconsfield. The town of Slough is almost certainly the largest town in the UK without a football side in its environs.

Despite all of the bad news of this season there have been some positives. Three of Slough's squad were involved in World Cup qualifiers (see here) and there has been quite a lot of talk about the club moving back to the town.

Gambrinus Liga

Most leagues in Europe have only a few powerhouse clubs who dominate the league. The Czech Republic is no exception with Slavia and Sparta from the capital city Prague dominating the league since its inception in 1993. Since then only Slovan Liberec and Banik Ostrava have broken up this dominance.

And this season with only five games to go the Championship title in the Czech Republic has yet to be decided. The usual suspects Sparta and Slavia are currently 1st and 2nd in the table with only a handful of matches left.

Sparta currently sit atop of the division having played a game more than Slavia. Sparta are the most successful club in Czech footballing history having won the Czech league ten times and the Czechoslovakian title on twenty four occasions. (They have also won the Mitropa Cup three times, only Vasas Budapest of Hungary have won more) They have only ever once been outside the top flight, this occured in 1975, it's a subject they obviously don't like to talk about as their official website talks about the "black year" and the reason for their relegation "due to a number of circumstances".

Both Sparta and Slavia look like they will qualify for the Champions League. Sparta were knocked out in the qualifying round by Arsenal, a club that Sparta share an interesting trait. In 1906 a Sparta director made a trip to England, he liked Arsenal's redcurrant kit so much that he brought some shirts back to Prague. Since that day Sparta have worn the colour and made it their own. (Arsenal later changed to red shirts with white sleeves, although they did bring back the redcurrant kit for their last season at Highbury).

Slavia are currently three points behind their city rivals with a game in hand. Prague's second club play in red and white halves, the red symbolising the heart and the white the fair play of the Olympic ideal. They are currently in the progress of moving ground to the delightfully named "Eden" stadium. Some idiots reported that Slavia would be playing Oxford United in the first game in their new ground - despite reports supporting this - it turns out it that Slavia's first opponents will actually be Oxford University - Slavia's first ever match was against Oxford Uni back in 1899.

Battling it out for third place, the UEFA Cup spot, are Brno, FK Teplice and Banik Ostrava. All three have experience in European competition. Brno made the quarter finals of the UEFA Cup in the 79/80 season, FK Telpice knocked out Kaiserslauten and Feyenoord in the 03/04 compeition while Banik Ostrava's Cup Winners Cup semi final in the late 70s is as far as any Czech club has ever gone in European competition.

FC Brno fans taunt Slovan Liberec...

Currently lying in mid-table place are Mlada Boleslav who, like a lot of teams who played behind the iron curtain, have undergone many name changes in their history. In the 1960s they were known as the Skoda Mlada Boleslav (the town contains a Skoda Museum), but even more bizarrely they were known as "Aston Villa Mlada Boleslav" for almost thirty years. Their official site mentions the name change but frustratingly never actually explains it.

Onto the sides battling for relegation and we come across Bohemians Prague (currently known as Bohemians 1905). They are probably the third most successful side in the capital and have one of the most lovely badges in world football. A kangaroo. A club tour of Australia in 1927 led to the adoption of the kangaroo as club badge and mascot, they were even given two kangaroos - both of which were donated to Prague zoo. For the strangely interested you can even buy kangaroo soft toys in their club shop. It's marvellous, but perhaps far too cute.

To give a British slant on the Czech top flight there is an odd story of Byron Webster. A 21 year old footballer born in Leeds who currently plays for SIAD Most (a club situated 70km north of Prague). With the globalisation of football continuing at pace we perhaps shouldn't be surprised, however I can't help but think that we in the UK have got the better end of the deal, losing the battling qualities of the "ex-York City star defender/midfielder" but gaining the Czech midfielder Tomas Rosicky....